"It's your fault I'm unhappy!" "It's your fault I can't follow my dreams!" "You're the reason I'm stuck here!"

This is the favorite accusation of millions. How convenient! I don't have to assume any responsibility for changing my unhappiness, and I can blame you for all of it. An unpleasant fact I usually overlook is that change by you is most unlikely to happen upon my demand. Therefore, I am likely to live forever with this unhappiness. "And it is all your fault that I am so stuck." Such is a common thought process of victims, and of those who blame others for their problems.

This is the trap into which millions of us fall, blaming others for our hurt feelings and making demands upon them for change. This trap only leads to giving away personal power, a continued decrease of self-esteem, and more power in the hands of those who so "hurt your feelings". To choose not to make one's happiness dependent upon others leads to real empowerment. And it is possible!

But the possibility must first be recognized, secondly accepted as something desirable, and thirdly actively pursued. The goal is to change from being hurt to being OK with whatever situation causes my hurts so that I am not hurt the next time that situation occurs. We cannot entirely remove hurt from our lives. Nor can we entirely remove unhappiness. What we can do is teach ourselves how to handle both hurt and unhappiness, so that we do not become indentured.





*looking around to see who's still walking*

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