That's just the way I am.

Its widespread usage attempts to justify a variety of statements, actions, and ideas. While there may be some truth within, there is usually no thinking room available to those that use it. Just because I am presently one way does not imply that I will be or have to be that way this afternoon. Unfortunately, the possibility of change is usually not even considered by those voicing the phrase, "That is the way I am" and any of its close relatives.

I believe that the most important question that needs to follow that phrase is, "Do I want to continue to be that way?" Do I want to continue to be stuck with that unhappiness, that addiction, that low self-esteem, that depression, that loneliness, etc.? All too frequently we deny the possibility for change. When there is no attempt to change, stuckness becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The possibilities for change are much greater than we typically envision. If you respond emotionally in unhappy ways, then you can always change your emotional responses if you are willing to really look at yourself.

Consider adopting the following ultimate belief in self-responsibility: if I am unhappy, then I need to change myself. There are things which are usually not possible to change. On the other hand, it is always possible to change one's actions and one's emotions.

If you hear the phrase, "That is the way I am," be on the lookout for frozen thinking and stuckness. Such rigidity is often evidence of denial of problem or blaming others for the way I am.



*taking long strides*

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