I’m sitting at my computer, staring at this damn candle, and I wonder why I bother to express myself in words.  I wonder why I feel it necessary to attempt to share the words in my head with people that don’t give two shits about what goes on in my mind.  I had a reason at one time but I misplaced it and have not sought to find it.  It’s better off where it is.

I can’t say that I miss it, but I can’t say that I don’t need it.  It’s time like this that I find that I have too much to say and no one to listen.  I tried talking to you, but you stopped listening, even after I warned you.

The problem that I face is that I have too much to give.  I don’t mean in material terms, I mean in emotional terms.  It seems that what I have to give is more than people want to deal with, though they often profess to be capable.  I have found no one and nothing worthy of me but me – so I threw worth out of the window.  I address you as you address yourself.  Be wary how you show yourself to me.

Always alone and here on my own I find that pain does not last an eternity.  I wanted to laugh again and love again, but I remain lost to myself because I keep looking for me in places where I have never been.  I want to explain, I want bear all because the burden of me….overwhelms every defense mechanism I have in place.  Such is the power of me.  I don’t want your words of encouragement – I’m not discouraged.  I don’t want your sympathy – as I am beyond emotional comfort.  I am lost not yet found, and I stand before you to deliver my soliloquy.

I want to be found – can you not understand that?  The music composed through my existence cries out for discovery and to those in which I have come in contact – remain tone deaf.  Splashing around in the puddles of my tears – soaking themselves in my life’s salt.

Stop searching outside of yourself for those things that can only come from within... no sympathy, no pity... just the facts... you are admired and cared about... don't forget that. [Hug}

Insulted!!!!!!

I don't, I haven't, and I will not.

Better not!

lol...as if there would be a reason...lol